cubancatbonita

HI everyone! Okay well I have never done this before... I just felt like I had so much just pressing down on me I couldn't really take it anymore. I feel like I hit a wall. Today really just made me think am I really happy doing what I am doing career wise, expression wise, or just in how I deal with my everyday. I was able to answer myself a big friken NO!!!! My job is alright but I don't think it is the right path for me. I work at a daycare center in the young one year old room, with mainly 12 to 13 one year olds in one room. I have two other teachers with me in the class room but, it doesn't seem like enough any day. My director pulled me aside and basically asked if I liked my job in a round about way and made it a point that no frustration is welcome in the room. You see the rooms in this daycare have cameras in them and the director can only see what is going on and not hear you telling a child no or not to do something. I think she has forgotten what it is like to be in a room with that many one year olds. By the end of the day I think most people, even those who have worked in a childcare facility for many years would be a little low on energy and patience. I love kids don't get me wrong but, I think that my director needs to employee more teachers in the rooms to help and give the kids more one on one time with the teachers. Well I guess on to expression. I sadly can say I have lost my desire to create art. Collage opened me up creatively but, after graduation and stepping into the real world I have just been shut down in my ways of thinking. There is so much pressure to be great financially(mostly from my mother) and just having to make ends meat. I just have no energy to create. I have this wight pressing me down where I don't want to move because at the moment I can somewhat deal with it but I know it is just crushing me in the end. This is how I am dealing with my everyday and I look at myself and see someone I never wanted to become. I have become just a worker bee. I don't really know how I can get back to the person I was before that was free spirited, had ideas for new works just coming to me, and enjoyed what I did to earn income. I am sorry if you read this journal thinking it would be something meaningful or interesting. I just couldn't really take it anymore, I really don't have anyone to talk to. Even when I do talk to someone they really don't understand or are busy doing their own thing to really listen. I have been trying as of late to just not say anything anymore and I just couldn't keep it contained as I usually do. Sorry again.